Have you ever been told by someone that your problem is that you just need to believe in yourself?
…and you sort of understand what they mean by that but you really don’t know how to do it since your brain is so busy firing off all sorts of negative thoughts and worrying most of the time preventing that very thing!
Well, the reason that advice isn’t working for you is because it is just too simplistic and is missing what you really need to generate the confidence you want that comes from truly believing in yourself.
In other words, the power is always going to be in the specifics!
“You need to believe in yourself” is too vague for most people to do any good.
That is one of my main teaching points for everything I do! So let’s get into the specifics…
We have to first dissect what people are trying to get across when they say “believe in yourself.”
What is the true meaning of it? Simple, it’s Confidence.
What is confidence? It’s a belief, in the current moment, that generates a feeling and positive thoughts that propel you to achieve something you desire to accomplish. We don’t NEED confidence to achieve things, but it certainly helps, right?
Real confidence is an emotional state and the “I can do this” thoughts come AFTER the feeling has been generated!
Fake confidence would be to just lie to yourself with a phony affirmation while you don’t feel it. Don’t get me wrong, that can help to generate the feeling but if you want consistent belief in yourself and consistent confidence, then you have to go deeper and go to the source of consistent confidence.
You can learn specific techniques for creating confidence in my program Confidence From Scratch so let’s not go there, but instead, discover how to generate a true belief in yourself which is the key to opening the door to confidence building.
There are 2 things you need to do to REALLY believe in yourself:
- Stop basing your identity, self-worth, and capabilities on what others say or think about you!
This is the #1 reason why people don’t believe in themselves. They wait for others to tell them they are good or capable or whatever….and if that doesn’t happen enough to counter all the internal negativity, well then, they are done and all the “you just need to believe in yourself” advice in the world won’t help.
I know this from being inside hundreds of kids heads over the years.
The deadly accurate truth about that is:
…your ability to do anything has NOTHING to do with anyone else’s opinion about you!
Whether you can or can’t do something is dependent ONLY on your skills, talents, smarts and resources to do it!
This is not hard to understand and yet, we don’t do it!
Do you see the simple contradiction most people live with in their heads with what I just wrote above? They know in the back of their head that they have the skills and abilities and yet, they give higher value to what others think. This is a big problem you need to fix.
So why do we do this?
Well, it’s because the only thing we know to build our identity on when we are kids is OTHERS opinions of us! This is our default programming.
We must LEARN (train our mind) how to build our identity on things that have NOTHING to do with anything OUTSIDE of ourselves.
We totally understand the need to LEARN how to train our bodies to accomplish physical things, right? Why do we not think we need to LEARN how to train our minds just the same? We do!
That’s huge and if you can do this step 1, you are way ahead of the game. The earlier kids learn this, the better. This is all built in to my Mental Toughness Academy program for the kids but you might be surprised to learn how many adults are walking around still organized around what other people think about them.
As an adult, how often do you find yourself not doing something because you are afraid of embarrassment? What others think about you is the source of that problem.
2. Clear Your Fear of Failure
C. in my R.A.C.E. Formula is about Clearing the blocks to your performance potential. Fear is by far the #1 block to humans achieving anything. I tackle this big time in the Advanced Mental Toughness program for adults.
Before I go on, let me just say that you do NOT have to be fearless in order to believe in yourself!
Yep, it’s true….
However, it makes it 100% easier to build confidence and feel like you have the skills to achieve your goal when you don’t have significant fears and the biggest one of all is the fear of failure.
If you are like a boat on the ocean wanting to get from one piece of land to another (your goal), then fear is like an anchor dragging along the bottom. The more fear you have, the bigger the anchor is that slows down the boat.
The motor of your boat is your skills, abilities and talents.
The gas firing the motor is MOTIVATION.
You are the captain of this boat driving it to your destination.
Yes, your boat can get to your destination if a small anchor is dropped and not scraping the bottom, right? But the boat goes a lot faster and smoother with no anchors down while moving.
I talk a lot about clearing fear of failure in my podcast here so we won’t get into it, but,
Believing in yourself comes down to this:
- Recognizing your skills and abilities,
- Programming #1 above into your inner mind as your highest value
- Firing up your desire to achieve by imagining being successful and the benefits you get from that.
- TAKING ACTION with your skills without interference
Performance = Potential – Interference
This applies whether you are in athletics, business, working on your health, or just trying to be your true genuine self in your everyday life.
I teach my trainers that whenever you are unsure of what to do with a client seeking your help, go back to that formula and plug in the person’s situation to each element and then work to eliminate the interference. You can do this for yourself or your kids just the same.
Let’s do this,
Here’s a video clip from the Mental Toughness Academy for kids using a simple tool to build a true belief in themselves.
Believe in yourself – a mantra many people tell themselves but can’t get to do it. My first lesson in potential was from my mother, believe it or not. It was so simple, but it made a big difference in my life. She said over and over: “You can do anything you set your mind to”. She would especially remind my brother and I of that any time either of us would say the words: “I can’t” Watch out if you ever said that in my house. In fact, I remember a time when my brother said “I can’t” in the car, and my mom screeched the car to the curb, turned fully around to look us in the eye and said “You can do anything you set your mind to. I never want to hear those two words ‘I can’t’ together again.”
How this helps you to believe in yourself?
My mother’s statement made a big impression on me. Even now, whenever I start to use the words “I can’t”, I catch myself and immediately switch in my mind to “I wonder how I can figure this out.” Some people call this a “Mantra” or an Affirmation, it’s where you repeat to yourself a positive thought to change your thinking. When I say to myself “I can always figure it out” it helps me go tackle the unknown and over come my fears. A similar one I also use is “Things always work out for me.” I taught that one to my kids and it always makes us feel better and guess what…things actually DO always work out for us because we say it all the time! Belive in yourself!