I regularly hear athletes describe in great detail how devastating their last loss or choke was.

Unfortunately kids and adults alike, tend to

To a lot of kids playing sports, it can seem like the end of the world. What they are missing is…PERSPECTIVE.

Playing sports

see the loss or mistake in a new light and make it an experience they learn and grow from.

Your athlete makes a big mistake or is upset after a poor performance.

What should you say or do? This is a perfect time to help them see the loss or mistake in a new light and make it an experience they learn and grow from, BUT YOU HAVE TO TREAD LIGHTLY or you risk them getting more angry and frustrated.

Watch this short video to learn what to say and do after an upsetting game or event…

You may have heard of this story but it beautifully illustrates perspective and how to reframe the meaning of anything…

There once was a farmer whose only horse broke out of the corral and ran away. The farmer’s neighbors, upon hearing of the run away horse said to the farmer, “Oh what bad luck!”

The farmer just replied, “We’ll see.”

About a week later, the horse returned, bringing with it a whole herd of wild horses, which the farmer and his son quickly corralled.

The neighbors, hearing of the farmer’s new luck getting a herd of horses said, “Oh what good luck!” The farmer just replied, “We’ll see.”

Later that day, the farmer’s son’s leg was badly broken when he was thrown from one of the wild horses he was trying to break.

A few days later the broken leg became infected and the son became delirious with fever. The neighbors, all-hearing of the incident, came to see the son. As they stood there, the neighbors said, “Oh what bad luck!” The farmer replied, “We’ll see.”

A war broke out and the country was in need of soldiers. The military sent one of its captains to the village to conscript young men to fight in the war.

When the captain came to take the farmer’s son he found a young man with a broken leg who was delirious with fever. Knowing there was no way the son could fight, the captain left him there.

A few days later, the son’s fever broke and a few months later, his leg healed. By then the war had ended and the son guided the family farm to prosperity.

I regularly hear athletes describe in detail how devastating their last loss or choke was. To a 15 year old, it can seem like the end of the world. What young athletes are missing is…


This is where parents and coaches can be a huge help in building mental toughness.

I had a 12-year-old client come to me a few hours after a total meltdown at practice (according to his dad). The boy complained to me that his coach hated him and treated him unfairly.

I asked, “How do you know this is true?”

He said his coach was making him do more pushups than the other guys and was sitting him on the bench when everyone on the team knew he was the better player. He said the coach embarrassed him in front of the other players and often talked down to him.

I looked him in the eye and said very calmly “Wow, that’s so great!”

You should have seen the puzzled look on his face, because I am sure he did not expect my response. I went on, “You are so lucky!”

Now he got a little peeved and said “What are you talking about?”

I told him “It’s so great that you are getting a jerk coach now at your age.”

“Huh?” he replied.

“Yeah, just think about it…if you went the next 5 years with nothing but great coaches and THEN got a jerk coach your senior year of high school, you wouldn’t be prepared and could easily fall apart under pressure. Maybe you’d get yelled at right before a game when there was college scouts in the stands. “

“But, because of this jerk coach you’ve got, it caused your dad to ask for help and now you’re in my office about to learn powerful mental toughness techniques that you will be practicing for the next 5 years.”

“By that time, you will be totally untouchable and unstoppable. The worst coach in the world won’t be able to affect you”.

“Isn’t that great! Isn’t it lucky for you that you got a bad coach now? You are so fortunate…”

He then said my favorite words I love to hear from a client: “I never thought of it that way”.

You can too can give this perspective or reframing to your child. It is a huge gift!

Kids playing sportsWelcome to the Winner’s Circle!

Craig, the Mental Toughness Trainer