There have been numerous studies conducted to find out what do highly successful athletes have in common. Besides the obvious – talent and hard work – a number of surprising conclusions have come to light. At the top of the list are how much the athlete had support at home and the high quality of the coaching.
I work with young athletes every day in my office and I always start out by telling the parent how impressed I am by their recognizing the value of mental training by bringing their young athlete to a performance coach like me.
Winning championships, gold medals, and making a pro team is a team effort between the athlete, family and coaches even when we’re talking about individual sports like swimming, tennis and golf.
Michael Phelps, the most decorated Olympic athlete of all time said about his mother:
“My communication with my mom was always awesome. I’m a very vocal person and I speak what I feel. No matter what it was, she’d say ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ She’d let me make up my own mind. “
and from an interview:
“Who taught you to write a goal sheet?
My coach. I was 11 when I started it and I’ve done it ever since.”
The sports world is filled with stories of athletes who were blessed with tons of talent and moved up the ranks only to self destruct before reaching their full potential. It is because they didn’t have that kind of support at home and didn’t learn how to be comfortable in their own skin.
I get asked by parents regularly how to best help young athletes’ mental preparation for sports. There is no cookie cutter mold for this as each athlete is different and the kind of parental support offered to one athlete can be exactly what is needed and to another person, and can cause confidence destruction.
But, there are some universal principles that most, if not all athletes can benefit from:
1. Goal setting for athletes
Like Phelps coach taught him, this is a proven tactic and this goes for any age group. How many coaches do you know that would teach an 11-year old to do that? Learning the basics of committing yourself to a goal is a powerful life skill in addition to a motivator to put in the work that’s necessary to succeed in sports.
2. Encourage your athlete.
It is the easiest thing to do and probably the best thing a parent or coach can do to boost confidence and morale but how many actually do it? Once in blue moon telling the athlete they are good isn’t enough. 
Parents and coaches should make it a point to communicate 6 positive encouragement statements to every critical one. This ratio comes from a study that tracked measurable performance in a business environment for adults and so it’s possible that an even higher ratio would be recommended for kids. Don’t be afraid to offer that criticism as long as it’s done constructively and at the right time. Kids have told me hundreds of times they appreciate it when it comes across positively.
3. Let your athlete make most of his/her own decisions.
I am constantly asked how much to push a child and there is no definitive answer but, the extremes of micro-managing and not caring at all certainly don’t work.
4. Be an active listener.
When an athlete has a disappointing or poor performance, it’s quite tempting for parents to offer how the problem should be “fixed.” Often the best course of action is to simply acknowledge the athlete IF they express the desire to talk in the first place. Many athletes do better by working it out themselves. You can pick up a clue that they might need help if after a week or more, they are still sulking about it. Even then, you still must ASK the athlete if he/she wants to talk about it. Now, if your kid violates family values with any kind of behavior, then certainly you can step in without that permission.
Sometimes it’s a very fine line we as parents walk but all you really need to know here is for you to model what you want to see your kid do.
I have witnessed some coaches with very little sports qualifications do amazing things in youth sports by following these simple rules. I am most impressed when I talk to a coach who wants me to come in and give a mental training workshop or talk for his team or league.
Always remember this: Only about 2% of high school athletes become good enough to get an athletic scholarship and most of those are partial scholarships, not full rides.
The main reason for sports participation at any age is to learn life skills. 100% of athletes can get that with proper parent and coach support along with mental training to make the most of it.