Lately it seems that many leagues and coaches are giving out awards and trophies just to recognize youth athletes for participation regardless of the outcome of the game. While this approach has a lot of fans, it also has a fair share of critics.

Win or Lose – Should Youth Athletes Get Trophies?

This is a big change from the way sports were played for most of us growing up. As kids, we quickly learned that losing was as much a part of the game as winning. We understood that we had to hold it together, even while the other team high-fived in victory.

In fact, learning how to lose or coping with the fact that you weren’t the best player was a necessary skill, because shedding any tears or moping around after a loss would have lost you friends and probably would have gotten you teased mercilessly, making any loss even worse.

However, now sports leagues operate differently and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly when the shift started to occur.

Nowadays, it seems that most kids playing sports receive a trophy, medal or ribbon for participation, regardless if their team won, lost or tied.

Some people believe this is a good thing, because it removes some of the competitiveness of sports and puts the focus more on fun. Others believe that constantly rewarding kids doesn’t teach them how to cope with loss or disappointment.

Does this new way of giving awards do anything good for the kids self esteem and confidence? Read on and make sure to let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

May Make Sense For Younger Children

It works well for younger kids that play sports like tee-ball and other pee-wee sports; 1st, 2nd grade, maybe 3rd at the oldest. I don’t think it is necessary for kids older than that.

Giving younger children a reward can encourage their willingness to go out into the world and try new things, commit to a program and stick with it and most importantly being part of something outside their family.

We’re also teaching them follow through, to not give up even though sometimes it’s not always fun and exciting, that your team depends on you to try your best and to show up to every practice and game.

Without a medal, ribbon or trophy, these lessons can be harder to drive home with younger kids, since they tend to learn through rewards.

Recognition For Effort

It’s important though that coaches and parents don’t use this everyone-gets-a-prize approach for too long, because it won’t provide the same message to older kids, who should have already grasped these lessons.

As kids get older it’s important they starting learning coping skills when they lose and how to deal with disappointment, especially if they never had to experience it when they were younger.

Do Kids Need A Reward?

There was an interesting study done in the early 70s, where researchers divided nursery school-aged children into three groups. They gave the kids a felt-tipped pen to draw, which was a big deal to these kids who had only gotten to use colored pencils.

The first group was told they would receive a “Good Player” ribbon for just joining the drawing activity.

The second group was told they’d be getting a ribbon, when they were done and the third group wasn’t promised a reward at all.

The children who were either told about the reward after the drawing or didn’t get a reward at all seemed to be just as interested in using the pens as the kids who got the reward.

Gone Too Far

Unfortunately, the practice of giving out awards has been taken too far in some sports leagues, where trophies are given out just for participation to all kids in the name of protecting their self-esteem.

However, after say the 3rd grade they should have learned the basics of showing up and being part of a team. They are ready to learn the next skills that come with competition and keeping score and being rewarded for actual wins.

As kids get older it’s important they starting learning coping skills when they lose and how to deal with disappointment
, especially if they never had to experience it when they were younger.

Parental Guidance Is Important

Without parental guidance and coaching of proper perspectives of winning, losing and participation, children make up their own mental stories about themselves that can affect them the rest of their lives. Kids know if they are doing poorly in their sport. Just giving them a trophy is not going to raise their self esteem.

What will help with their self esteem is being rewarded and praised most for effort NOT for their performance.

Coaches and parents also need to teach kids that there is huge value to be gained in losing just as much as winning.

Sharing stories of great athletes losing big and then coming back are great ways to teach this to kids, because it is showing vs telling.

How To Help Underachievers

Always praise their effort. Make sure they know they need to finish out the season, but playing is optional so you take away that pressure.

Remember too there are many powerful lessons to be learned from being a good team player, so praise them for any acts of support or kindness to their teammates. Again tell stories of Pro athletes who sat the bench until “their time came.”

Our goal as parents should be to raise a child who is resilient, who enjoys them self in the present moment regardless of their performance. In the adult world, we don’t play sports to be the best in the world. We play to have fun, get exercise, enjoy the competition and camaraderie. All the same expectation should apply to your kids playing sports, shouldn’t it?

What If Your Child Isn’t Selected?

First and foremost, it’s critical to make sure a child NEVER gets the idea that their love and acceptance are conditional on any type of performance. Even the best sports parents can sometimes unconsciously communicate disapproval with their body language that trumps any words of praise or encouragement.

If they do not make a team or get selected for a position, a parent should first allow the child to express their feelings of disappointment and acknowledge them without judgment or giving advice.

After the emotions subside, which could be a few days, only then ask the child if they would like advice or feedback. They may be more open to help in deciding next steps and developing an action plan.

This subject can sometimes be highly charged. We’d love to hear your thoughts and comments below.

youth sports parentsCraig Sigl is the creator of 6 mental game training programs for athletes sold in 28 countries.His newsletters go to over 18,000 athletes, parents and coaches worldwide.

He has been featured on NBC TV’s “Evening Magazine” show, numerous radio shows and the
Seattle P.I. newspaper for his work with youth athletes.