We have a guest post today from a renowned authorbuild confidence and coach – John O’Sullivan. He is the man behind the book, Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes, and Giving Youth Sports Back to our Kids.

His two decades of experience as a soccer player and coach for youth, high school, college, and professional level makes his book very valuable and informative.

Hence, today we are lucky to hear words of great value from this very credible author.

A lot of coaches see their young athletes improve and excel during practice games but all the excellent skills they have shown during series of practices vanished and they find themselves exposed on the actual game.

When this happens, coaches began to ask themselves why… and this is where proper coaching confidence in young athletes comes into play.

In two decades of coaching, without a doubt the number one question I was asked by parents and coaches alike was How do I help my players become confident?

The big “C” makes or breaks athletes of all ages and abilities, and thus an understanding of what confidence is, where it comes from, and what interferes with it is crucial to helping our athletes become high-performers.

What is Confidence?

Confidence is a state of mind, a feeling inside that you are ready to perform, no matter what you encounter.

It is a feeling of certainty and control that provides an athlete with a positive outlook regardless of the situation. It cannot be bought, it cannot be faked, and it cannot be wished for.

Many coaches and parents believe that they can give their athletes confidence through excessive praise, yet science shows this to be untrue.

Some adults shelter their children from failure and shower them with praise when they succeed.

The sad results of this kind of thinking are kids who never become confident athletes. They focus on outcomes rather than process, and they depend upon the adults to instillconfident thoughts and behaviors.

They cede control and personal responsibility, which never leads to confident athletes.

Where Does Confidence Come From?

Confidence is earned,refined,and developed through the acquisition of competence, as well as the support of confidence-building mentors.Let’s explore both of there principles.

Competence is the belief in ourselves that we are capable of taking on any challenge, any task, confident in our ability to succeed and willing to learn what is needed to achieve.

In his book, The Charge, bestselling author and performance expert Brendon Burchard defines competence as our ability to understand, successfully perform in, and master our world.

Experts in the fields of psychology and human performance have found that our competence level determines the tasks we choose to undertake, the items and activities we choose to give attention to, and the effort we put into those things.

It determines our levels of adaptability and resiliency and oftentimes whether we choose to lead or follow.

Competence and confidence go hand-in-hand; the more competent we are, the more confidence we have in our performance. And the more confident we are, the more likely we are to seek out ways to become more competent.

Confidence is a natural by product of skill Confidence in young athletes also comes from adults who believe in them.

Quality training, mental and physical preparation, and even previous success do not alone ensure confidence.

Young athletes also need connection. According to Bruce Brown, the founder of Proactive Coaching and a longtime coaching educator, it is very important that the adults in your child’s life are confidence builders, and it is best when they come from both within and outside of your immediate family.

They must model the discipline, hard work, and self-belief that you hope to see in your athlete. They must control their emotions and choose their words wisely and truly understand the specific needs of the athlete. They must also be trustworthy.

Many times in my coaching career I worked with coaches who ranted and raved all game long and grew increasingly frustrated as their players quit performing up to their potential.

They micromanaged every play, huffed and puffed at every mistake, and yelled and screamed at the players before, during, and after the game.

As we dissected the game afterwards, I would often hear the coach say, “I don’t know what happened. We worked on that all week. I thought we were prepared.”

What happened was that the coach did not demonstrate to his players that he believed they were prepared.

His words and actions demonstrated something entirely different. Players cannot trust themselves to perform well unless they are trusted by others to do the same.

In Part II, we will discuss the one of the hidden confidence, breakers, The Outlier Effect. We will cover what you can do to see if it is hindering your child’s performance, and what you can do about it.

build confidenceJohn O’Sullivan is the author of Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High-Performing Athletes and Giving Youth Sports Back to Our Kids. He is a former collegiate and professional soccer player, and has spent the past two decades as a coach at the youth, high school, and college level.

O’Sullivan speaks nationwide to coaches, parents, and young athletes about developing athletic excellence and leadership within positive sporting environments. He resides in Bend, Oregon with his family, and can be reached at www.changingthegameproject.com.